How To Stop Fighting With Your Spouse

Family CounselingMay 23, 2021

Conflicts in relationships are common. Whoever said that they don’t fight with their spouse is basically lying! While someone might choose to scream and bring the house down, some couples choose the silent treatment. But the intensity of these fights should never determine or predict the outcome of the marriage. Fighting fairly in marriage comes down to what we say as ‘partners feelings’ for each other.

In the end, no matter who wins, the important thing is to understand that the marriage should win. So if you can make up between each other, that’s great, or else people sometimes leave the ring with so much gloom, despair, bitterness, and resentful attitude- that chances of the marriage crumbling can’t be ruled out totally. In these situations, it’s vital to re-evaluate whether one should resort to professional help. Here are a few strategies and recommendations that can smooth things out (the next time you have an ugly spat).

Take A Short Break

You deserve it! Even if the break is for 30 seconds or a minute, it can help a couple activate the reset button on the existing fight. Most clinical counselors also support the idea of why it pays off to take this short break. After all, you need to get calmer. Once your brain finds that zone where it was before the fight, there will be no issue dealing with matters logically.

Own Up To Your Fault

How difficult can that get? Or is it plain ego destroying everything? Most marriage and family therapists are of the firm notion that two things tend to derail the way how fights occur in between couples. If you wish to sort things out, admit to what actually got your partner offended in the first place, and second, express empathy towards your loved one.

To an extent, it can get difficult. This works particularly true for those who choose to value his or her own point more than anyone else’s. On the contrary, this process is known to fetch results quickly, positive that is. Once you let down your defenses and that’s counterintuitive; the rest of the ‘making up’ becomes easy.

NEVER Go To Bed Angry

This one is hard to accomplish. In fact, several couples have said that this adage no longer works true, but there are debates. If you look at the current scenarios, you should retain the anger and go to sleep! Ouch! Partners actually get a lot of time to think through, clear their thoughts, get some rest, and then wake up fresh to either resume the fight, from a better stance or simply go and make peace. The choice varies and so does the outcome.

Stay Away From ‘But’

Sometimes solutions are just around the corner and you’re almost there to resolve things. The mere utterance of ‘but’ can spoil things once again. And it’s true. Even when you acknowledge the other partner’s outlook or what let him or her start off something; the very moment you add ‘but’, trying to reaffirm your own point- that brews in trouble. If you don’t believe this, try doing it.

Discover The Lost Humor

Even the funniest person or someone with a terrific sense of humor and wit can lose it all, during a fight. But the trick lies in keeping the mood light. So if you happen to be someone or your husband or wife is of a similar kind who believes in taking the humorous way to see things a little better, it will always help in the long run. Check to see what works with your partner. There can be silly stuff that you do, which your partner finds adorable. But that might not work for others.

Understand What’s Important

It’s not two beings in a marriage- it’s the wife, the husband, and the marriage itself. So if you have to take care, remember to do so for all three. Just in case you find yourself having trivial fights with your better half and the conversation goes on, you’ll only feel exhausted after some time. Rather, think quickly “what’s best for the marriage”? The answer will tell you what to do next.

No marriage is perfect. Besides, it’s not a destination – it’s more to do with the journey. If you think your differences are irreconcilable, do not hesitate to consult a family counseling expert.