Think Staying Together Is Better For The Kids? Think Again.
As a married couple, when you see troubled waters, it’s never easy, but it’s worse when you have children. Envisioning your life as a beginner, just started out all over again is something frightening on its own, and it can make you jump right out of your socks. It can also be gut-wrenching to have to throw out years of hard work out the window – all the years you invested in your marriage feels like a waste when you’re staring at the possibility of divorce. But deep down, you deserve happiness and so does your significant other. But let’s not forget, your kids deserve happiness, too! You may think that sucking up and pushing divorce aside is what will make your kids happy, but we’re going to look at why you shouldn’t stick together just for the kids.
Setting The Bar
When you have children, you and your spouse are automatically their role models. Whatever your behavior in marriage is what they will grow up believing is the correct behavior. In the event that you are unhappy and miserable and simply sticking it out for their sake, they will definitely pick up on the misery and the disconnect between you and your spouse, and this means you are setting a bad example of what marriage is for your kids. If you want your children to grow up and have a good marriage free of misery and whatever it is that is destroying yours, then you need to show them otherwise. When you stay married for the sake of it, you teach children to live separate lives within their marriage, and you may teach them subconsciously to one day dislike their spouse.
You Don’t Put In Any More Effort
Once both you and your spouse decide that you are staying together for the sake of the children, you immediately open up a platform on which to be very lazy about your relationship. There is no longer a need to put effort into your relationship or to try to fix what is broken or to even be supportive or empathetic to one another. Unhappiness will simply be an accepted part of your life and you each will lose the motivation to be respectful or to find love in each other again. You are basically choosing to be mediocre and you are teaching your children that this is acceptable.
Your Kids Will Mirror Your Feelings
As adults, we often forget how much we really understood all those years ago in our childhood. We understood the feelings of the adults around us and we knew more than we let on. If you are looking at your children and forgetting how much they really know what they don’t let on, you’re in for a shocker. Your children will pick up on your discontentedness, your misery, and your unhappiness, and they won’t spend their childhood living with you and your spouse happily and contentedly – instead, they will be just as unhappy and discontent as you and your spouse are. Is this really the life you want for your children?
Living In Fear Is No Way To Live
When you avoid divorce, it is partly for the sake of the children and partly out of fear for what may happen or for the changes that you may feel intimidated by. You think of having to get a new job, relocate, or find a new home or you think of how much time you would spend with your children or whatever other fears you may have. The thing about fears is that oftentimes, the fears you have are a whole lot worse than reality. You can change your life at any moment, and if it is something that is better for you, your children, and your spouse, then you shouldn’t let fear stop you. After all, nothing good ever came about by staying in your comfort zone, right?
So many couples on the brink of divorce keep themselves in marriages only for the sake of their children. It is a common belief among the married community that parents should martyr themselves in a miserable marriage for the benefit of their children. This is acceptable, and in some cases, even expected. Unfortunately, it is often a bad decision. Free yourself and your partner, and set an example for your kids instead.
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