Five Ways to Discuss Adopting a New Child in Your Family
Adopting a new child is not a conventional way to start a family. Thus, there should be discussions about it. There are several ways that you can go through this method so you can make it a much easier process for your family. Here are five ways on how you can discuss adoption in your family.
Never forget that it is your decision.
If you are planning to adopt a new child, everyone in the family, at least in your immediate family, will have a strong opinion about it. Whether or not you should adopt is their primary concern. Listening to everyone may bring in conflicting thoughts, and at the end of the day, you alone should be the one to decide on it.
Talk to your partner about this life-changing decision and discuss whether you are ready or not to adopt a child. You and your partner will be responsible for raising the baby as he or she grows up. Family issues and disapproval may arise but this is part of the process.
Share the news.
Part of the discussion will be the responsibility and your duty to break the news to your family. Even if the decision is up to you and your spouse, you must understand that your family should also know about it, as they will become part of your adopted child’s life, too. But you just don’t want to break the news as it is.
Discuss with your parents, the would-be grandparents of the child, how the original birth mother or parents stand in this part of your journey. There will be doubts, and like with every news, there will be reactions, and not every reaction will be positive. Listen to their views.
Talk to your children.
The main issue and the crucial point in every adoption will be the courage to tell the adopted child that they are not your biological children. This shall come right in the middle of the discussion, but now, what you are concerned about is deciding on this move. You may have biological children you conceived initially who also need to know about your plans.
Children think differently than adults, so it is important to detail the information uniquely. For toddlers and preschoolers, you need to understand that at these stages in their lives, they tend to have literal thinking. They still have immature logical reasoning and even if you speak to them about it, they might just continue playing with their toys, and the idea will not sink in.
Experts say that you should always maintain an open communication with your children so you can understand where they are coming from. They also have views and may not openly express them like adults do, but they can show it with their gestures. Talking to your children is a good idea, but understand that it can be a challenge to their development, may this be physical, psychological, or mental.
It has been said that there is no correct way to discuss about adoption matters. What’s great is hearing what your children will say. As they grow older, they will be able to express their feelings more and you can help each other throughout this new journey.
Learn the dos and don’ts.
Did you know that in the aspect of adoption, there are also dos and don’ts? Take this like your rules. Generally, they pertain to things that tend to be ethical and unethical.
For instance, you are advised to use the word “adopted child” or “birth child” while sharing your story to others, only when these words are relevant. If not, simply use the word “child.” Never refer to the children born to their parents as the “real one” or “natural child.” They are equally as important as the adopted children.
The usage of the words “biological parents” should only come forward when you are asked about them. Also, do not refer to the birth parents as the “natural parents,” “real mother,” or “real father,” because both sides are equally important.
Clarify opinions after adoption.
Let’s say that you have successfully arranged adoption papers, and now, the new child is in your home. After adoption, there will still be people who might consider this to be an issue. As the parent, you should be able to discuss this properly. Sometimes, the comments may even come internally in your family.
The discussions will continue so long after the adoption has been made final. Think ahead and choose your battles. As they say, “fasten your seatbelt.” Adoption is not a conventional way to raise a family, but it’s equally just as important as any other family.
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